‘Pat the Darling Doula’ brings personalized education and support to new parents

“Hillary Clinton said it right; it does take a village to raise a child,” said Manahawkin resident Pat Cicerone, a registered nurse for 20 years who recently opened her own business working as a doula.

Sort of like a “rent-a-grandma,” the owner of Pat the Darling Doula specializes in helping new parents adjust to the challenges of caring for a newborn – a personalized service she wishes she had during her two pregnancies when she was living 80 miles away from family and friends.

Photo by Jack Reynolds
Cicerone accompanies new
parents at their home.

Cicerone spends plenty of time around young children, including her daughter’s three kids – Parker, 2½; Ethan, 5; and Alex, 9 – who live with their parents at Cicerone’s home.

Cicerone currently is working on a master’s degree while working as a high-risk care nurse at Monmouth Medical Center, which does an average of more than 5,000 births a year. She also works with nursing students at Ocean County College and Pinelands School of Allied Health. Despite her busy schedule, as a doula she tries to get to clients within 24 hours. She prefers to stay within Ocean County so she can keep that commitment, she said.

Although some doulas also provide help to families before and during labor, Cicerone said she is dedicated to supporting new parents after they bring the baby home.

“I wanted to give on the other end because, yes, you need a lot of support during labor, but, boy, that afterwards, when that baby goes home with you, it’s like, ‘What do I do with this person?’” she said. “I think education and support is the most important thing for any new parent.”

While many new mothers experience mood swings and crying spells that eventually end, some develop postpartum depression, which is more severe and long-lasting, Cicerone explained. However, studies have proven that mothers who have help after labor are not as likely to experience this type of complication, she said.

“Postpartum depression is huge in this country. A new baby puts a huge strain on everybody, even though it’s a wonderful, welcoming event. There are just so many changes,” she emphasized.

Those adjustments also affect new dads, Cicerone added.

“Where mom might not get out of bed and get dressed for five days, or, in the worst case scenario, they harm themselves or the baby, dads do other things like have affairs, go drinking, gambling. They cope in different ways, and they don’t even realize that’s what’s going on,” she said.

Photo by Jack Reynolds
Provided services include group classes
and personalized assistance.

Of course, taking care of a new child is not the only challenge parents have to juggle in today’s fast-paced world. Raising a family is expensive, which makes working a priority, Cicerone noted.

“One of the first things we ask new moms in this country is, ‘When are you going back to work? What arrangements have you made for childcare?’” she said.

According to New Jersey law, temporary disability benefits for a pregnancy are determined the same way as any other “disabling condition.” Benefits for a normal pregnancy are usually payable for up to four weeks before the expected delivery date and up to six weeks after the actual delivery date.

Although Cicerone is not a nanny, she said she can certainly lend a hand by providing light meals and housecleaning while the parents juggle everyday life, including work.

“I don’t scrub floors, I don’t do bathrooms, but I’ll throw in a load of wash and I’ll make you three sandwiches so you have snacks,” she said. “Basically I’m an education tool. I’m not going to do; I will go and show, and I will support you however you need it,” she added.

Cicerone’s support can come in many different forms, including gift certificates for group classes as well as in-home help. Instruction on breathing and relaxing techniques as well as childbirth and breastfeeding are available.

A proponent of breastfeeding, which is free and “perfect for your baby,” Cicerone emphasized that it is important for new mothers to understand that it often takes time to master the right technique.

“Human babies are not the smartest mammal,” she said. “They’re adorable, but if they were any other mammal they’d die if they didn’t know how to breastfeed. Babies don’t all know how to breastfeed. Mommy and baby need to learn together.

“If you don’t have people that are supportive, you’re probably not going to be as successful as you would be if you had people in your corner saying, ‘That’s absolutely fine, this is what they need, you’re doing it right, just bear with it, give it a couple more days.’”

Of course, some women cannot or choose not to breastfeed, which is perfectly fine, Cicerone said. She is not there to judge or persuade anyone.

“I’m going to help you do whatever you’re doing in a way that’s going to work for you,” she emphasized.

Cicerone is also on hand to spend time with a new mother who may be lonely and need someone to talk to, or simply need a break. Cicerone’s ability to provide a four-hour block at night, for example, can make a huge difference, Cicerone said.

“You can do anything with four hours of sleep. When you haven’t had any, four hours is amazing,” she emphasized.

For more information about her at-home services, call 609-290-1792 or visit facebook.com/patthedarlingdoulanj.

— Kelley Anne Essinger


This article was published in The SandPaper.